Donut be discouraged

I'm feeling so frazzled today, but it's more than that. I'm exhausted. The kind of exhausted that wears down your bones and seeps into your soul and makes you feel permanently trapped. I don't know what to do. There's certainly no end in sight. I'm working a full-time job, a part-time job in ministry (which we all know is impossible, so basically I'm working another full-time job), and I'm in school full-time online. I don't know why I thought I could do it all. I'm just trying to be the best person that I can be in order to provide as much as I can for my future family. But if my brightness dims in the process, if I lose part of who I am, is it even worth it?

I'm scared to talk to anyone about it. Brady is exhausted too. I don't want to stress him out even more or make him more tired. I know he gets frustrated at me for not being able to handle it all. Pastor Justin really stresses me out and makes me feel afraid. Anytime I even slightly disagree with him, he freaks out. I know that isn't a good sign, but I don't want to lose our relationship. I think we're losing it anyway, though, because I'm crawling more and more into my shell. I know I need to just be honest, but I'm afraid that he'll get angry, which will push me away even further. My mom has never been a person that I can open up to. My dad hasn't been in a long, long time.

I feel alone. I don't feel depressed. I don't feel hopeless. I believe that there is always hope. It's like staring into a mirror for the first time in a long time. I just see exactly where I'm standing. And I know I won't stand here forever. But right now, it feels difficult to move.

Well, I do have some good news. I think I just ate the best donut I've ever had in my life. So, here's to donuts. Donut be discouraged. This too shall pass.