My love for you is like a force

It's 1:37 AM. I don't understand how the night runs away from me so quickly like that. I just finished a book called Love Letters to the Dead. It was the most painful thing I've ever read. It was also the most beautiful thing I've ever read. 

It reminded me that life is like that. Painful. And so, so beautiful. Sometimes I just don't get it. I want to stay here on earth forever. Why does that make me a bad person? Why is it so wrong that I have fallen in love with being alive? 

I love the way the soft, October breeze feels on my cheekbones. Like the air is kissing me. I love the way the sun looks when it's rising and when it's sinking, like there's nothing more brave than that light, coming and going exactly when it is supposed to, dutifully doing its job, silently yet so brilliantly. I want to be like the sun. I want to be a light. I want to be beautiful even when I'm fading. 

I feel misunderstood a lot of times, but somehow I don't really mind it. 

I often think that if people really knew what goes on in my head, these kinds of thoughts, they would think I am crazy. But I don't really care. I like being me even when I feel the weight of the world on my heart.

I love Brady because he simply accepts me for me. I don't think he always understands everything I say or write or even do. But that's not what matters. Because I know that he will love me with his whole heart even when he doesn't understand. And that, to me, is what it means to really love someone. You know them better than anyone else does, yet still you don't know them fully. You don't understand them fully because you can't. No one can. Yet you love them so much that you feel you could explode, even the parts of them you'll never understand. That's how Brady and I are. We love each other that way. I can feel it. 

My love for him is like a force. It's powerful. It's more than I could ever put into words. 

All I know is that October, the sun, and Brady are three reasons why I love being alive.